you see, i found my way into diaryland via the delicious rantings of my former boyfriend. each of us has been referenced now and again in our respective diaries, though airing of our laundry, dirty or otherwise, has been quite rare. i've used this space to observe, to comment, to vent, to purge, to kvetch, to share, to laugh, and to heal about just about everything that has or hasn't happened in the last year. except him. and i plan to keep it that way. yet, now i feel as though it has become the elephant in the room, or at least, the elephant in my diary.

i will say this. for a spell, i rode the rapids of that infamous river in egypt and washing up on its banks late last week, i found myself in a rather unfamiliar state. angry. about the situation. at myself. at him. anger doesn't come to me naturally. i'm a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. but, angry i know i need to be. and so angry i have let myself be.

in every relationship, there is a time for honesty and a time for kindness. i'm doing my darnedest to figure out which is which. wish me luck. and while you're at it, wish him some too.