many a pop cultural phenomenon has had its origins in cool brittania. last spring, "pop idol" created a furore, culminating in the birth of a gay icon (as in one who is gay, not just one worshipped by such) whose debut single moved more than 1 million units in its first week on release. this in a country of just under 60 million people, meaning one copy sold for every 60 men, women and children in the united kingdom. talk about lucrative.

with the overwhelming success of "idol" in britain, it was only a matter of time before the formula was imported stateside. you'd think that the abject failure of such televised creations as o-town and eden's crush coupled with the law of diminishing returns curtailing sales for recent releases by such teeny-bop mainstays as britney, n'sync and backstreet would have emboldened hollywood to take a pass. no such luck. tonight, fox unleashed it upon an unsuspecting public, under the uninspired moniker "american idol".

here's the skinny. auditions in seven u.s. cities. creator and judge #1 simon cowell serves as the public face for jackass music industry types the world over. judge #2 paula abdul (straight up, i told you) provides some sparkle, while judge #3 randy jackson, provides some color. now, in a country with only five broadcast channels, lo-fi production, cheap graphics and hosts as exciting as watching paint dry might cut the mustard, but here in the u. s. of a., we want glitz. you know, pizazz.

imagine watching every single demarco brothers skit from snl on a continuous loop. it makes star search look like shakespeare in the park. of course, none of this is anything we haven't already seen on making the band or popstars. but this time, there's a twist. after the judges narrow the field, you and i, joe couch potato, get the final say. no elitist oligarchy of insiders will annoint OUR idol. the veneer of participatory democracy lends this brand of media manipulation credibility and provides cover for the producers to sell us back our own fat, just like tyler durden. sheer brilliance.

only time will tell if "american idol" spawns a "new world order" or is teen pop's "cross of gold" speech, one last dramatic gasp before sliding into history's dustbin. either way, paula's love is for REAL.