so, i'm channel-surfing (instead of doing useful things, like reading, writing, creating my dream website, starting a cultural revolution, etc) when i stumble upon little miss vj hocking some time-life 80's compilation. i admit, i'm intrigued. martha...time/life..."great" 80's music...much needed relief for my itchy surfing finger (mostly, i think i was just waiting for the video snippet of "ghostbusters"...you know EXACTLY who you're gonna call). as i watch, i begin to doubt that this is indeed martha quinn. i start to think "wow, she looks just like martha quinn" and begin to imagine how smart these time-life folks must have been to hire a martha look-a-like to peddle their nostalgia. by the time you figure out that it's NOT martha, you're hooked. THEN, i begin to worry that not only is this a martha look-a-like, but that it's a man in martha quinn drag. i begin to wonder about martha quinn drag (i could never pull it off...too tall) and about how nina blackwood drag would be so much more fun, what with the crimper and mascara and ripped black rock-n-roll t's. i am shaken from this reverie by the realization that it is INDEED martha quinn, not a look-a-like, not a drag knock-off like some gloria estefan or annie lennox video, but the real thing (someone called her martha...i believe the exact scripted banter was "and that's not all, martha!")

SOOOO...the video clips roll on and on. you know the ones...99 luftballoons...i want your sex...always something there to remind me...take on me...walking on sunshine. but then the unexpected...the testimonials. i'm sure you won't be surprised (as i wasn't) that each and every chipper mid-30's white person just loooooves this collection. he or she hears a song and it takes him or her right back (i'm afraid to consider back to what...date rapes, binge drinking, penny loafers?). now, i'm willing to admit that i, too, love alot of these songs. of course, the 80's was when i came of age, when the lyrics of songs are written just for you (so i can understand those kids that believe staind are the second coming, i just couldn't agree less). yet, these folks' interest in current popular culture ground to a screeching halt at around c&c music factory (come on, let's sweat...baby) and i started to imagine what the testimonials for Sounds of the 90's (again inevitable, especially with time-life lurking about) would look like. just as i began to envision these same folks waxing poetic about limp bizkit, what should appear on my tv screen but "duo of duos", the self-proclaimed beatles of the 80's...hall and oates with their smash #1 out of touch. this instantly became lodged in my brain along with the notion that i must immediately purchase the album which spawned this monster...big bam boom. i frantically extinguished the flame in the box, terrified that any more 80's songs would become enmeshed in my synaptic pathways (asia's heat of the moment was a close call) driving me to purchase more pop catalog albums or remastered reissues.

needless to say, i scavenged during lunch to turn up a copy of said 1984 masterpiece. and yes, my shame is no longer a secret. what unspeakable joy to savor method of modern love whenever my heart desires.

Until next time, watch as many Press Your Luck reruns on Game Show Network as you can (BIG BUCKS! NO WHAMMIES! STOP!)